Review: The Writing Retreat by Julia Bartz

“That was the way of the world: if you were a woman, then you had a job to do, and that was to pretend to love everyone else walking all over your body, leaving imprints on your face. You were supposed to crave it, to beg for more.”

★★★★

Atria | 2023

Filed Under: “V is for this very surprising turn of events.”

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Honestly, what the fuck was this?

But still – 4 stars.

This is one of the most ridiculous thriller novels I’ve ever read. It’s completely over-the-top, just off it’s fucking rocker. The plot read a dozen mainstream thrillers like a double agent and said, “Hold my beer.”

And you just have to respect that.

All you ever hear is people complaining about remakes, reboots, how everything is the same and no one has an original thought in their head. Most thrillers and mysteries you read are, in some way, things you’ve read before with a different twist here and there. Then, when we finally get something original and outside the box, people complain that it’s too weird or unbelievable.

Review: Bloom by Delilah S. Dawson

“She is obsessed, she is compelled, she is called. She is a selkie, and Ash has her skin. It’s infuriating and delicious and easy and challenging and tumultuous and she is hungry for more.”

★★★★

Titan Books | 2023

Filed Under: The cottagecore has rotted.

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This is a sapphic horror novel – two women, both equally giving off bad vibes in very different ways – fall in love after meeting at a farmer’s market.

It sounds just precious, doesn’t it?

Side note: My husband was going to propose to me at a farmer’s market. And then, not knowing his plan, I managed to say something about public proposals being my worst nightmare. So he changed his plan to something more intimate. Anyway…

Don’t get too caught up in the meet-cute of this novel, because everything else is a fucking insecure, anxiety-ridden hellscape of awkwardness and red flags and infatuation, and then like some gross shit I won’t get into because it’s all a big fucked up spoiler.

And trust me when I say, you do not want this to be spoiled for you.

Ash is a mysterious waif who runs an apothecary stall at the weekend farmer’s market, where she sells decadent cupcakes, homemade soaps and lotions, candles, pottery and plants… and whatever else off-grid no-waste purists make. Shoes made out of bark? Hats made out of grass? I saw that on Naked and Afraid.

Rosemary has a PhD, is a literature professor and just got out of a 3-year relationship with a shitty guy. She sees herself as Ash’s opposite, and when they meet, there are immediate sparks and Ro finds herself obsessing over this ethereal beauty who is everything she’s not.

Review: Strange Sally Diamond by Liz Nugent

★★★★½

Sandycove | 2023

Filed Under: I want to be where the people aren’t…

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I don’t know, man, if my dad was like, “When I die, put me in the garbage,” and I really thought those were his genuine final wishes… maybe I would. I hope he doesn’t ask.

But, that is exactly how this novel opens, and from there the plot was nothing like I expected it to be… but that’s not a bad thing.

It’s an odd novel, but it’s also familiar. Sometimes it’s emotional, sometimes it’s very dark, sometimes it’s mysterious. It even made me laugh a handful of times. It’s just so charming and weird and blunt, much like the character of Sally Diamond herself. But is the tone all over the place? Yeah, it fucking is.

There is a strange but accessible world created within the pages, bringing vivid characters and a plot unlike anything I have read recently, and even though it seems like it should be in my usual genres, there’s so much about the writing style that sometimes felt just different enough that it added to the narrative’s complexity.

My Top 24 Most Anticipated 2024 New Releases | January to June!

Look, I know I just posted about my Owned Books Challenge and how my physical TBR is out of control, and I should really just focus on reading books I already have instead of buying or borrowing more… but you know what? If I buy these books and then read them within the same year (LOL please) then what’s the problem? Right? RIGHT?

Get your “add to cart” finger ready! Here are my top picks for new releases for the first half of 2024!

Ins and Outs for 2024 and The Fucking Owned Books Challenge!

Happy New Fears Year, everybody!🎉

I hope ringing in 2024 was everything you wanted it to be. I’m not really into partying anymore in my old age. That was 20-something Krystin’s vibe. Mid-to-late-early-late 30’s Krystin has a stay-at-home with her dog and husband vibe.

We watched Die Hard 3 and 4, ate junk food, smoked weed and played Scrabble (I won, and it’s important to me that you know that.) My husband was asleep by 12:05AM, while I was up well passed 5AM dealing with my diarrhea-stricken doggo.

That is the circle of life, friends! One day you’re a youth drinking and partying for New Year’s, and the next you’re spending it at home with a heating pad on your back because that morning you only wanted to make one trip up the stairs with the laundry, and now every time you get up to let the dog out you make noises.

And honestly, I’m fine with that.

With that said, we made it to 2024! Can you even believe? I have my fingers crossed for a better year. 2023 really took it out of me, but I’m staying optimistic for this new year… while also remaining vigilant as to not be caught off guard. Do I want my last remaining grandparent to die? Of course not! Will I be surprised if that’s what 2024 hands my family? Can’t say I will be. My therapist should have a good time with this new coping mechanism. See you next week, Christine!

🎄Merry Everything and Happy Whatever!

*heaves a deep, existential sigh before I start writing* Oh, hi, yes it’s me. Yes, I am still alive. But, shit, what a year. I can hardly believe it’s almost over.

I mean, I can believe it because I’ve been alive long enough to understand how time works, but after the year I’ve had I’m not feeling so merry and bright. More like wary and ready to fight.

(You have no idea how long it took me to come up with that rhyme.)

Anyway, I’m working on my attitude. We’ll see where it ends up by the time I finish writing this post.

Review: It’s One of Us by J.T. Ellison

★★★★½

Mira | 2023

Filed Under: Throw the whole man away.

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Well, well, well, how the turntables…

I don’t know what that means here, I just wanted to quote Michael Scott. It’s not really relevant other than I’m high and The Office is on.

What I wanted to say is well, well, well! I think this may be my favourite standalone novel that J.T. Ellison has put out. Like ever. I mean, of all time.

Maybe that’s saying a lot? I don’t want to give myself too much status here, but I’ve been going around the Ellison track for a while and she’s always an auto-read author for me.

I’ve been reading Ellison for like fifteen years. And that’s ugh, oh god what is time? Where does it go? Cotton-Eyed Fucking Joe. So, fifteen years. One. Five. That’s that. And I feel like this novel is such a perfect example of an author just getting better and better.

There’s something special about this one. It starts out immediately with the prologue – the prose kicking everything off is seriously captivating. As you settle into the narrative, it feels more connected, more emotional and more honest than the typical domestic thriller. There is life here. The author clearly poured real emotions onto the page. And in the end, everything comes together with a perfect twist.

Did I like any of these characters? No, I didn’t. But I did like reading them and how they navigated this totally bananas Our Father-ish plot. But seriously, minus half a star because no one punched Park in the throat. I would have really loved to see that.

All the Books I Hated in 2022!

Oh hey, it’s me. It’s been a while.

Traditionally, I would have posted this list way back in January with a “Happy New Year” message, but it feels kind of awkward now since it’s so late and I have essentially been MIA for the last six months. All I can say is, shit on a cracker, what a fucking year 2023 has been so far, book friends!

I won’t get into it deeply, but there was a death in my family and I just wasn’t able to find the motivation to read, let alone write about reading. But I think I’m coming around and getting my shit together. And also, fuck cancer!

Anyway, hi!…

What can I say about 2022 now that it’s April and I smoke a lot of weed so my memory is questionable at best? Really nothing, I’ve moved on and forgotten almost everything. 2023 has been so emotionally fraught so far, that 2022 is like a distant, hazy dream. To be fair, that haze might be weed smoke.

It’s a good thing I keep my book logs organized even in the worst of times or this list may not even be happening, honestly.

I managed to read 80 books last year, which is a record for me, but it was all very so-so, very meh, very “why is everything I’m reading so average?” There actually isn’t a lot that I totally HATED. I think that’s a sign of improvement… Unfortunately.

So, while this list has traditionally been reserved for all the utterly disappointing, rage-inducing or straight-up garbage reads that passed by my eyeballs, for 2022 it looks like it’s going be a little less of that and a little more borderline garbage.

Of course, I have my favourite reads, but that’s a different post. Dark and light. Ebb and flow. Good and bad. If I’ve learned anything lately, it’s that everything can’t be good all the time. The universe just doesn’t let it happen. Give and take. It’s all about keeping that fucking balance.

Let’s check the scale, shall we?

Review: The Widowmaker (Black Harbor, #2) by Hannah Morrissey

★★★★

Minotaur Books | 2022

Filed Under: Nobody better lay a finger on my Butterfinger!

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A snowy, fucked up mystery? Don’t mind if I do!

This is the second novel in a series, but it can totally be read as a standalone (definitely over Christmas if you want the full vibes,) because the town of Black Harbor is really what’s tying everything together, not the characters.

You say “harbour” (yes, with a u) and it will immediately make me wistful for living by the water with a chilled lake breeze, wearing chunky sweaters on the beach and maybe solving a cozy local mystery like I’m Jessica Fucking Fletcher. Someone bring around my pink classic cruiser bike with the basket on the front – I’m picking daisies and pursuing justice!

I need to stop getting high before writing reviews. Things really go off the rails pretty quickly.

Anyway, this novel has none of those cutesy, cozy things because the vibe is actually super fucking dark. Sorry, J. Fletch.

Review: In My Dreams I Hold A Knife by Ashely Winstead

“It turns out the real you is a quilt, made up of the light and the dark. The life you’ve lived in sunshine and your shadow life, stretching underneath the surface of your mind like a deep underwater world, exerting invisible power. You are a living, breathing story made up of the moments in time you cherish, all strung together, and those you hide. The moments that seem lost. Until the day they’re not.”

★★★★★

Sourcebooks Landmark | 2021

Filed Under: What fucking knife?! All I see are scissors!

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Were you kind of a loser in school who now sometimes daydreams about going to a class reunion and showing all your stupid fucking peers that you’re now a cool adult with heavy “I don’t give a shit what you think anymore” vibes, even though you obviously do care or why would you even fantasize about triumphantly walking into the reunion to Venus by Bananarama like Romy and Michelle after they change into their blue and pink dresses?

No, me either.

Okay, but do you love twisted thrillers with vibrant, unlikeable characters who drive a plot with drama and secrets and murder and a little bit of oral sex? Hey, me too!

There was so much hype around this book that I was fully expecting to not like it because that’s usually how it works for me, but I was pleasantly proven wrong because I loved this.

It was so much fun and everybody was so awful in the most delicious ways that it’s a good time to hate them and watch bad shit happen.

If you want to binge-read a totally entertaining thriller over a weekend, then read this. Because, honestly, the only thing I didn’t like about it is that there are scissors on the cover next to the word knife. Thanks, I hate it.